McCain Concedes Early, Donates Campaign Coffers To Charity*
ARLINGTON–In an unprecedented move Thursday, John McCain conceded defeat to his opponent Barack Obama before the November 4th election. In a press release, the McCain campaign cited several reasons for the move, most notably the public’s increasing lack of confidence in V.P. pick Sarah Palin. The campaign’s inability to catch up in the polls was also among the reasons.
In an equally surprising move the campaign also announced that “the remaining $47M in [their] campaign coffers would go to better use helping worthy causes such as breast cancer research, and various humanitarian efforts in Africa.” Activist and singer Bono, who will be meeting with the Senator early next week, was said to be ecstatic at hearing the news.
According to the release, Senator McCain called Senator Obama who was in Indianapolis, IN, attending the “Early Vote for Change” rally to concede defeat and extend his congratulations. Their conversation was brief and amicable. McCain says he is looking forward to getting “back to the important work of the Senate.” Governor Palin was not available for comment.
*Of course this story isn’t true, but hey, wouldn’t it be something?