Open letter to spammers–nobody likes you

To whom it may concern,

Nobody likes you. You’re a blight on the Internet and calling you a nuisance would be to elevate you from the depths in which you live. Neither you nor your wares are wanted so stop trying to peddle them by sending me unsolicited emails or posting garbage comments on blogs. I don’t want Viagra, I don’t want to play poker, I don’t want my penis enlarged, I don’t want anything you have to sell and even if I did, I wouldn’t buy it from someone so disreputable as you. You think I’m going to give someone who annoys me my business?

I will do you a service though by letting you know that you’re a lowlife. Maybe you don’t know it. Maybe you think what you’re doing is “just business”. Well, the truth is, you’re scum. You’re not liked, and when people think of you, they rank you among such things as hemorrhoids and being crapped on by seagulls. Well, that’s not right because though being crapped on by seagulls is bad, it doesn’t happen every single freaking day.

So here’s my advice to you: stop, get a real job, get a life, get a conscience, get a clue, something, just stop annoying the rest of us with your digital excrement. Otherwise, I hope you end up in jail for a really, really, really long time.

Advice for the 2% of people who actually buy from spammers: are you out of your minds?! You do realize that you’re giving out your personal information to someone who would just as soon mug you in an alley or sell your information for profit. Worst of all, you’re encouraging the creation and propagation of even more spam! So stop it!

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